Skip to main content
Original Articles and Reviews

Opening the Door of Self-Disclosure

Supporting Adolescents’ Journey From Loneliness to Friendship

Published Online:https://doi.org/10.1027/1016-9040/a000502

Abstract: Loneliness is prevalent among iGeneration adolescents who fail to develop close friendships. The present review proposes a proactive approach, advocating that adolescents should be supported in their development of close friendships, as part of social-emotional learning (SEL). As research has found self-disclosure to be an important skill for developing close friendships, adolescents should be guided in this skill. Such guidance is the domain of school counselors and psychologists who could use the organized thinking framework on self-disclosure and the six counseling methods detailed and demonstrated here to support adolescents in this task.

References

  • Bagwell, C. L., & Bukowski, W. M. (2018). Friendship in childhood and adolescence: Features, effects, and processes. In W. M. BukowskiB. P. LaursenK. H. RubinEds., Handbook of peer interactions, relationships, and groups (pp. 371–390). Guilford Press. First citation in articleGoogle Scholar

  • Bagwell, C. L., Newcomb, A. F., & Bukowski, W. M. (1998). Preadolescent friendship and peer rejection as predictors of adult adjustment. Child Development, 69(1), 140–153. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-8624.1998.tb06139.x First citation in articleCrossrefGoogle Scholar

  • Benbenishty, R.Friedman, T. (Eds.). (2020). Social and emotional skills cultivation in the education system: A summary of the proceeding of the expert committee, status report and recommendations. Yozma – Center for Knowledge and Research in Education, The Israel Academy of Sciences and Humanities. http://education.academy.ac.il/Branches/Branch.aspx?nodeId=1108&branchId=856 First citation in articleGoogle Scholar

  • Benjamin, A. (1981). The helping interview (3rd ed.). Houghton Mifflin. First citation in articleGoogle Scholar

  • Berndt, T. J., Hawkins, J. A., & Jiao, Z. (1999). Influences of friends and friendships on adjustment to junior high school. Merrill-Palmer Quarterly, 45(1), 13–41. First citation in articleGoogle Scholar

  • Buecker, S., & Horstmann, K. T. (2021). Loneliness and social isolation during the COVID-19 pandemic: A systematic review enriched with empirical evidence from a large-scale diary study. European Psychologist, 26(4), 272–284. https://doi.org/10.1027/1016-9040/a000453 First citation in articleLinkGoogle Scholar

  • Bukowski, W. M. (2001). Friendship and the worlds of childhood. In D. W. NangleC. A. ErdleyEds., The role of friendship in psychological adjustment: New directions for child and adolescent development (pp. 93–105). Jossey-Bass. First citation in articleGoogle Scholar

  • Chelune, G. J., Sultan, F. E., & Williams, C. L. (1980). Loneliness, self-disclosure, and interpersonal effectiveness. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 27(5), 462–468. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-0167.27.5.462 First citation in articleCrossrefGoogle Scholar

  • Chen, L., Cheng, R., & Hu, B. (2021). The effect of self-disclosure on loneliness in adolescents during COVID-19: the mediating role of peer relationships. Frontiers in Psychiatry, 12, 1–8. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyt.2021.710515 First citation in articleCrossrefGoogle Scholar

  • Collins, N. L., & Miller, L. C. (1994). Self-disclosure and liking: A meta-analytic review. Psychological Bulletin, 116(3), 457–475. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-2909.116.3.457 First citation in articleCrossrefGoogle Scholar

  • de Mooij, B., Fekkes, M., Scholte, R. H., & Overbeek, G. (2020). Effective components of social skills training programs for children and adolescents in nonclinical samples: A multilevel meta-analysis. Clinical Child and Family Psychology Review, 23(2), 250–264. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10567-019-00308-x First citation in articleCrossrefGoogle Scholar

  • Derlega, V., Metts, S., Petronio, S., & Margulis, S. (1993). Self-disclosure. Sage. First citation in articleGoogle Scholar

  • Dindia, K., & Emmers-Sommer, T. M. (2006). What partners do to maintain their close relationships. In P. NollerJ. FeeneyEds., Close relationships (pp. 305–324). Psychology Press. https://doi.org/10.4324/9780203782972 First citation in articleCrossrefGoogle Scholar

  • Doll, B. (1996). Children without friends: Implications for practice and policy. School Psychology Review, 25(2), 165–183. First citation in articleCrossrefGoogle Scholar

  • Eccles, A. M., & Qualter, P. (2021). Alleviating loneliness in young people – A meta-analysis of interventions. Child and Adolescent Mental Health, 26(1), 17–33. https://doi.org/10.1111/camh.12389 First citation in articleCrossrefGoogle Scholar

  • Elliott, S. N., Frey, J. R., & Davies, M. (2015). Systems for assessing and improving students’ social skills to achieve academic competence. In J. A. DurlakEd., Handbook of social and emotional learning: Research and practice (pp. 301–319). Guilford Publications. First citation in articleGoogle Scholar

  • Evans, M. A., & Bienert, H. (1992). Control and paradox in teacher conversations with shy children. Canadian Journal of Behavioural Science, 24(4), 502–516. https://doi.org/10.1037/h0078758 First citation in articleCrossrefGoogle Scholar

  • Finkenauer, C., Kerkhof, P., & Pronk, T. (2018). Self-disclosure in relationships. In A. L. VangelistiD. PerlmanEds., The Cambridge handbook of personal relationships (pp. 271–281). Cambridge University Press. First citation in articleGoogle Scholar

  • Flannery, K. M., & Smith, R. L. (2017). The effects of age, gender, and gender role ideology on adolescents’ social perspective-taking ability and tendency in friendships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 34(5), 617–635. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407516650942 First citation in articleCrossrefGoogle Scholar

  • Franzoi, S. L., & Davis, M. H. (1985). Adolescent self-disclosure and loneliness: private self-consciousness and parental influences. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 48(3), 768–780. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.48.3.768 First citation in articleCrossrefGoogle Scholar

  • Gaines, R. (2003). Therapist self-disclosure with children, adolescents, and their parents. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 59(5), 569–580. https://doi.org/10.1002/jclp.10163 First citation in articleCrossrefGoogle Scholar

  • Goroshit, M., & Hen, M. (2016). Teachers’ empathy: Can it be predicted by self-efficacy? Teachers and Teaching – Theory and Practice, 22(7), 805–818. https://doi.org/10.1080/13540602.2016.1185818 First citation in articleCrossrefGoogle Scholar

  • Graham, S., Huang, J., Clark, M., & Helgeson, V. (2008). The positives of negative emotions: Willingness to express negative emotions promotes relationships. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 34(3), 394–406. https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167207311281 First citation in articleCrossrefGoogle Scholar

  • Green, J. H., Passarelli, R. E., Smith-Millman, M. K., Wagers, K., Kalomiris, A. E., & Scott, M. N. (2019). A study of an adapted social-emotional learning: Small-group curriculum in a school setting. Psychology in the Schools, 56(1), 109–125. https://doi.org/10.1002/pits.22180 First citation in articleCrossrefGoogle Scholar

  • Harel-Fisch, Y., Walsh, S., Steinmetz, N., Lubel, S., Riez, Y., Tesler, R., & Habib, J. (2016). Youth in Israel – Health, well-being and patterns of risk behaviors: Findings from the 7th International HBSC survey (2014). Bar-Ilan University. https://brookdale.jdc.org.il/en/publication/youth-israel-health-emotional-social-wellbeing-patterns-risk-behavior-among-youth-israel-2014/ First citation in articleGoogle Scholar

  • Hargie, O. (2006). Training in communication skills: Research, theory and practice. In O. HargieEd., The handbook of communication skills (pp. 553–565). Routledge. First citation in articleCrossrefGoogle Scholar

  • Hargie, O. (2017). Skilled interpersonal communication: Research, theory and practice (6th ed.). Routledge. First citation in articleGoogle Scholar

  • Hertz, N. (2020). The lonely century: Coming together in a world that’s pulling apart. Hodder & Stoughton. First citation in articleGoogle Scholar

  • Hickin, N., Käll, A., Shafran, R., Sutcliffe, S., Manzotti, G., & Langan, D. (2021). The effectiveness of psychological interventions for loneliness: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Clinical Psychology Review, 88, 1–14. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2021.102066 First citation in articleCrossrefGoogle Scholar

  • Ignatius, E., & Kokkonen, M. (2007). Factors contributing to verbal self-disclosure. Nordic Psychology, 59(4), 362–391. https://doi.org/10.1027/1901-2276.59.4.362 First citation in articleLinkGoogle Scholar

  • John, T. (2018, April 25). How the world’s first loneliness minister will tackle the sad reality of modern life. Time. https://time.com/5248016/tracey-crouch-uk-loneliness-minister/ First citation in articleGoogle Scholar

  • Joinson, A. (2001). Self-disclosure in computer-mediated communication: The role of self-awareness and visual anonymity. European Journal of Social Psychology, 31(2), 177–192. https://doi.org/10.1002/ejsp.36 First citation in articleCrossrefGoogle Scholar

  • Jung, C. G. (1963). Memories, dreams, reflections (Trans. R. Wilson & C. Wilson). Recorded and edited by Aniela Jaffe. Pantheon Books. First citation in articleGoogle Scholar

  • Korem, A. (2019). Supporting shy students in the classroom: A review. European Psychologist, 24(3), 278–286. https://doi.org/10.1027/1016-9040/a000343 First citation in articleLinkGoogle Scholar

  • Laurenceau, J. P., Barrett, L. F., & Pietromonaco, P. R. (1998). Intimacy as an interpersonal process: The importance of self-disclosure, partner disclosure, and perceived partner responsiveness in interpersonal exchanges. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 74(5), 1238–1251. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.74.5.1238 First citation in articleCrossrefGoogle Scholar

  • Laursen, B., & Bukowski, W. M. (1997). A developmental guide to the organization of close relationships. International Journal of Behavioral Development, 21(4), 747–770. https://doi.org/10.1080/016502597384659 First citation in articleCrossrefGoogle Scholar

  • Levy, I. P., & Lemberger-Truelove, M. E. (2021). Educator–counselor: A nondual identity for school counselors. Professional School Counseling, 24(b), 1–7. https://doi.org/10.1177/2156759X211007630 First citation in articleGoogle Scholar

  • Lima, M. L., Marques, S., Muiños, G., & Camilo, C. (2017). All you need is Facebook friends? Associations between online and face-to-face friendships and health. Frontiers in Psychology, 8, Article 68. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2017.00068 First citation in articleCrossrefGoogle Scholar

  • Lund, I. (2008). “I just sit there”: Shyness as an emotional and behavioural problem in school. Journal of Research in Special Educational Needs, 8(2), 78–87. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1471-3802.2008.00105.x First citation in articleCrossrefGoogle Scholar

  • Madsen, S. D., & Collins, W. A. (2018). Personal relationships in adolescence and early adulthood. In A. L. VangelistiD. PerlmanEds., The Cambridge handbook of personal relationships (pp. 135–147). Cambridge University. First citation in articleCrossrefGoogle Scholar

  • Margolin, S. (2007). Non-aggressive isolated and rejected students: School social work Interventions to help them. School Social Work Journal, 32(1), 46–66. First citation in articleGoogle Scholar

  • Mental Health Foundation. (2020, April). Almost a quarter of adults living under lockdown in the UK have felt loneliness. https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/about-us/news/almost-quarter-adults-living-under-lockdown-uk-have-felt-loneliness First citation in articleGoogle Scholar

  • Miell, D., & Duck, S. (1986). Strategies in developing friendships. In J. DerlegaB. WinsteadEds., Friendship and social interaction (pp. 129–143). Springer. First citation in articleCrossrefGoogle Scholar

  • Mund, M., Freuding, M. M., Möbius, K., Horn, N., & Neyer, F. J. (2020). The stability and change of loneliness across the life span: A meta-analysis of longitudinal studies. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 24(1), 24–52. https://doi.org/10.1177/1088868319850738 First citation in articleCrossrefGoogle Scholar

  • Nishimura, T., Murakami, T., & Sakurai, S. (2018). Do not overlook lonely children: Additional evidence from two longitudinal studies. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 35(7), 956–976. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407517701840 First citation in articleCrossrefGoogle Scholar

  • Omarzu, J. (2000). A disclosure decision model: Determining how and when individuals will self-disclose. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 4(2), 174–185. https://doi.org/10.1207/S15327957PSPR0402_05 First citation in articleCrossrefGoogle Scholar

  • Oplatka, I. (2007). Managing emotions in teaching: Towards an understanding of emotion display and caring as nonprescribed role elements. Teachers College Record, 109(6), 1374–1400. https://doi.org/10.1177/016146810710900603 First citation in articleCrossrefGoogle Scholar

  • Pennebaker, J. W., Colder, M., & Sharp, L. K. (1990). Accelerating the coping process. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 58(3), 528–537. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.58.3.528 First citation in articleCrossrefGoogle Scholar

  • Pennebaker, J. W., Hughes, C. F., & O’Heeron, R. C. (1987). The psychophysiology of confession: Linking inhibitory and psychosomatic processes. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 52(4), 781–793. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.52.4.781 First citation in articleCrossrefGoogle Scholar

  • Qualter, P., & Munn, P. (2002). The separateness of social and emotional loneliness in childhood. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 43(2), 233–244. https://doi.org/10.1111/1469-7610.00016 First citation in articleCrossrefGoogle Scholar

  • Rains, S. A., Brunner, S. R., & Oman, K. (2016). Self-disclosure and new communication technologies: The implications of receiving superficial self-disclosures from friends. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 33(1), 42–61. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407514562561 First citation in articleCrossrefGoogle Scholar

  • Reis, H. T., & Shaver, P. (1988). Intimacy as an interpersonal process. In S. DuckEd., Handbook of personal relationships (pp. 367–389). Wiley. First citation in articleGoogle Scholar

  • Rose, A. J., & Rudolph, K. D. (2006). A review of sex differences in peer relationship processes: potential trade-offs for the emotional and behavioral development of girls and boys. Psychological Bulletin, 132(1), 98–131. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-2909.132.1.98 First citation in articleCrossrefGoogle Scholar

  • Ruppel, E. K., Gross, C., Stoll, A., Peck, B. S., Allen, M., & Kim, S. Y. (2017). Reflecting on connecting: Meta-analysis of differences between computer-mediated and face-to-face self-disclosure. Journal of Computer-Mediated Communication, 22(1), 18–34. https://doi.org/10.1111/jcc4.12179 First citation in articleCrossrefGoogle Scholar

  • Sabato, H., Abraham, Y., & Kogut, T. (2021). Too lonely to help: early adolescents’ social connections and willingness to help during COVID-19 lockdown. Journal of Research on Adolescence, 31(3), 764–779. https://doi.org/10.1111/jora.12655 First citation in articleCrossrefGoogle Scholar

  • Schwartz-Mette, R. A., Shankman, J., Dueweke, A. R., Borowski, S., & Rose, A. J. (2020). Relations of friendship experiences with depressive symptoms and loneliness in childhood and adolescence: A meta-analytic review. Psychological Bulletin, 146(8), 664–700. https://doi.org/10.1037/bul0000239 First citation in articleCrossrefGoogle Scholar

  • Selman, R. L. (1980). The growth of interpersonal understanding. Academic Press. First citation in articleGoogle Scholar

  • Shechtman, Z. (2007). Group counseling and psychotherapy with children and adolescents: Theory, research and practice. Erlbaum. First citation in articleGoogle Scholar

  • Shechtman, Z., & Tsegahun, I. (2004). Phototherapy to enhance self-disclosure and client-therapist alliance in an intake interview with Ethiopian immigrants to Israel. Psychotherapy Research, 14(3), 367–377. https://doi.org/10.1093/ptr/kph030 First citation in articleCrossrefGoogle Scholar

  • Shechtman, Z., Vurembrand, N., & Malajak, N. (1993). Development of self-disclosure in a counseling and therapy group for children. Journal for Specialists in Group Work, 18(4), 189–199. https://doi.org/10.1080/01933929308413754 First citation in articleCrossrefGoogle Scholar

  • Siegler, R., Deloache, J., Eisenberg, N., Saffran, J., & Leaper, C. (2014). How children develop (4th ed.). Worth. First citation in articleCrossrefGoogle Scholar

  • Solano, C. H., Batten, P. G., & Parish, E. A. (1982). Loneliness and patterns of self-disclosure. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 43(3), 524–531. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.43.3.524 First citation in articleCrossrefGoogle Scholar

  • Sprecher, S., Treger, S., & Wondra, J. D. (2013). Effects of self-disclosure role on liking, closeness, and other impressions in get-acquainted interactions. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 30(4), 497–514. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407512459033 First citation in articleCrossrefGoogle Scholar

  • Steinberg, L. D. (2017). Adolescence (7th ed.). McGraw-Hill Education. First citation in articleGoogle Scholar

  • Sullivan, H. S. (1953). The interpersonal theory of psychiatry. Norton. First citation in articleGoogle Scholar

  • Sutton, R. E. (2004). Emotional regulation goals and strategies of teachers. Social Psychology of Education, 7(4), 379–398. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11218-004-4229-y First citation in articleCrossrefGoogle Scholar

  • Tardy, C. H., & Dindia, K. (2006). Self-disclosure: Strategic revelation of information in personal and professional relationships. In O. HargieEd., The handbook of communication skills (3rd ed., 229–266). Routledge. First citation in articleGoogle Scholar

  • Taylor, Z. E., Eisenberg, N., Spinrad, T. L., Eggum, N. D., & Sulik, M. J. (2013). The relations of ego-resiliency and emotion socialization to the development of empathy and prosocial behavior across early childhood. Emotion, 13(5), 822–831. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0032894 First citation in articleCrossrefGoogle Scholar

  • ten Dam, G., & Volman, M. (2007). Educating for adulthood or for citizenship: Social competence as an educational goal. European Journal of Education, 42(2), 281–298. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1465-3435.2007.00295.x First citation in articleCrossrefGoogle Scholar

  • Trepte, S., & Reinecke, L. (2013). The reciprocal effects of social network site use and the disposition for self-disclosure: A longitudinal study. Computers in Human Behavior, 29(3), 1102–1112. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chb.2012.10.002 First citation in articleCrossrefGoogle Scholar

  • Twenge, J. M. (2017). IGen: Why today’s super-connected kids are growing up less rebellious, more tolerant, less happy – and completely unprepared for adulthood. Atria Books. First citation in articleGoogle Scholar

  • Twenge, J. M., Spitzberg, B. H., & Campbell, W. K. (2019). Less in-person social interaction with peers among US adolescents in the 21st century and links to loneliness. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 36(6), 1892–1913. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407519836170 First citation in articleCrossrefGoogle Scholar

  • Vijayakumar, N., & Pfeifer, J. H. (2020). Self-disclosure during adolescence: Exploring the means, targets, and types of personal exchanges. Current Opinion in Psychology, 31, 135–140. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.copsyc.2019.08.005 First citation in articleCrossrefGoogle Scholar

  • Vogel, D. L., & Wester, S. R. (2003). To seek help or not to seek help: The risks of self-disclosure. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 50(3), 351–361. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-0167.50.3.351 First citation in articleCrossrefGoogle Scholar

  • Vygotsky, L. (1978). Mind and society: The development of higher mental processes. Harvard University Press. First citation in articleGoogle Scholar

  • Wang, K., Frison, E., Eggermont, S., & Vandenbosch, L. (2018). Active public Facebook use and adolescents’ feelings of loneliness: Evidence for a curvilinear relationship. Journal of Adolescence, 67(1), 35–44. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.adolescence.2018.05.008 First citation in articleCrossrefGoogle Scholar

  • Wei, M., Mallinckrodt, B., Arterberry, B. J., Liu, S., & Wang, K. T. (2021). Latent profile analysis of interpersonal problems: Attachment, basic psychological need frustration, and psychological outcomes. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 68(4), 467–488. https://doi.org/10.1037/cou0000551 First citation in articleCrossrefGoogle Scholar

  • Wei, M., Russell, D. W., & Zakalik, R. A. (2005). Adult attachment, social self-efficacy, self-disclosure, loneliness, and subsequent depression for freshman college students: A longitudinal study. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 52(4), 602–614. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-0167.52.4.602 First citation in articleCrossrefGoogle Scholar

  • Whitty, M. T., & Carr, A. (2006). Cyberspace romance: The psychology of online relationships. Palgrave Macmillan. First citation in articleCrossrefGoogle Scholar

  • Yoo, J. H. (2009). The power of sharing negative information in a dyadic context. Communication Reports, 22(1), 29–40. https://doi.org/10.1080/08934210902798510 First citation in articleCrossrefGoogle Scholar

  • Zhang, F., Jiang, Y., Lei, X., & Huang, S. (2019). Teacher power and children’s loneliness: Moderating effects of teacher-child relationships and peer relationships. Psychology in the Schools, 56(9), 1455–1471. https://doi.org/10.1002/pits.22295 First citation in articleCrossrefGoogle Scholar